After living in survival mode, Cobblebank’s cancer survivor Melanie Kuyl’s road to self-discovery and healing is never ending.
The battle began in 2020, when a GP delivered her triple-negative breast cancer diagnosis over the phone while she was buying nappies.
This led to undergoing chemotherapy and double mastectomy, which was a very isolating and lonely experience during lockdown.
While she’s “incredibly grateful to be here today”, she is seeking breast reconstruction surgery to restore her physical appearance and identity.
“Every time I look in the mirror, it takes me back to feeling damaged and incomplete. I see nothing but scars! It’s something that I face every single day and it’s not something that’s getting easier. It’s probably something that the longer I wait for the surgery, it’s getting harder and harder and taking more of a toll, emotionally,” she said.
“Everyone says, ‘oh my God, you’re so strong’. But there’s nothing else you can be when you’re put in that situation! You’ve got no choice but to be strong. You’re a mother and you’re a wife and you’ve got to keep going. You’ve got to keep being strong for your family. But at the same time, everything that makes you feel like a woman is taken away from you, especially when you have to have a double mastectomy and face the world waiting for a reconstruction. So everything that makes you feel womanly and motherly and feminine is gone.
“I’ve learned about the strength that my body has given me. It’s grown and nurtured through children and it’s gotten me this far. But at the same time, it’s very fragile and there’s scars that I’d rather not look at when I’m looking in the mirror. I just want to be put back together and be whole again.”
Just for Melanie to be “a whole person again” she has to expose her scars in the “literal and the emotional sense” through a public GoFundMe appeal.
“Unfortunately, despite being a category 3 patient—where I should have only waited within 12 months—I’ve been languishing on the public waiting list since November 2022. I’ve been left with no other option but to seek this surgery through the private healthcare system.
“I never thought I’d be in a position where I would need to ask for financial help for a medical operation here in Australia, but this surgery is essential for me to move forward in my life after cancer.
“It’s not something that’s done out of anything else but necessity to protect my family from the $20,000 in costs for gap fees and from what I’ve been told, even more than that with follow-up surgeries and things that need to be done.”
When cancer survivors turn to GoFundMe due to healthcare gaps, “it’s incredibly uncomfortable, daunting, and embarrassing”.
“As a taxpayer and someone who’s paid for private health insurance for 20 years and paid over $90,000 for health insurance, I shouldn’t have to put myself out there this vulnerably just to have surgery to be put back together,” she said.
“There’s been workmates, friends, followers on Instagram and even some local businesses who have shared my story and said that I shouldn’t be having to do this to access what’s necessary in Victoria. They can’t believe I have to do this, but they’re really supportive of me reaching my goal.”
However Melanie encourages women battling breast cancer and seeking financial help to never give up.
“It’s difficult being vulnerable and putting your story out there, but for the most part, the people looking at your suffering and the fact that we have to do this, they actually want us to succeed.
“Sometimes hope is all we’ve got and if you keep putting yourself out there and telling your story, then you can bring about change and inspire other people.”
Although she hasn’t reached her fundraising goal, Melanie is grateful to have a community of big-hearted Aussies.
“I just can’t believe the generosity of people and even the messages that have come through. There’s other survivors that have donated, there’s people I know and total strangers that have wished me well.”
Her journey has also been bittersweet, it has resonated with and united many women in the same boat.
“I’m really hopeful because I’m raising awareness of the bigger picture and the issue facing survivors that hopefully it’ll continue to get me to the point where I can actually reach my goal.
“Other survivors and so many breast cancer patients have reached out and said I’m so brave in sharing my story, and by doing it, I’m highlighting it for all of them and what they’re going through.
“Cancer is the gift that nobody wants to receive, but it gives you an awful lot of perspective. The community of people who are going through treatment and who are survivors of cancer is one that is really supportive and builds each other up and helps you get through it. I follow lots of other cancer survivors and we support each other through our good days and our bad days.”
On a personal level, breast cancer taught her family that tomorrow is never promised.
“When I had a chemo infusion, I was having bone pains, nauseous and resting a lot of the time in bed. So if it wasn’t for my parents, my husband and my cousin who supported me, I wouldn’t have got through it at all. The mental toll is that it’s a very fast-moving and aggressive cancer. I didn’t think I was going to be here to see my children grow up. I’m still not positive because until you get to five years clear of it, there’s no guarantees.
“There’s lots of challenges in life but you try to continue to push through them. Breast cancer has definitely brought my husband, my parents and my children closer together. We try to live each day as it comes and really enjoy the moment and make memories as a family. That’s what I’ll continue to do with my family.”
Fundraiser link: https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-mel-reclaim-her-life-and-breasts-after-breast-cancer
